Dear Amy: I met a friend of mine three years ago while beginning graduate school. We both work for the same state agency but in different locations.
The two of us are members of a tight-knit group of 11 grad students who have assisted each other through the grueling experience of attending a master’s program while managing life’s other demands.
My friend got engaged and stated that she was inviting the group, but not necessarily with significant others, due to numbers. Totally understandable.
Unfortunately, she had to reschedule her wedding from October to May, due to the pandemic and restrictions.
I received a Save-the-Date in the mail and immediately let her know I received it and was super excited. The wedding is now one month away, and I never received an invitation.
I’m assuming at this point I won’t be receiving one — given the timing.
This friend is an individual who is very type A and is super-organized.
I completely understand that pandemic restrictions may have created a need to decrease wedding guest numbers, and she might have had to make cuts, however, there was never any mention of “sorry we had to make some changes,” or any communication about it.
I even assumed maybe there was an issue with the mail, however, I believe this friend would have contacted me if she hadn’t received an RSVP, due to her level of organization.
I don’t want to make things awkward, so I have not asked the others in our group if they received invites, nor have I questioned my friend.
I don’t want to potentially make anyone feel bad. I had purchased a few new dresses and was looking forward to celebrating my friend’s big day with my school family. Now I’m not sure what to do with this?
– Confused and Disappointed
Dear Confused: I am currently in possession of three summertime “Save-the-Dates” for wedding celebrations that still might not happen.
This past year has been so challenging for people trying to have wedding celebrations – please approach this with an understanding and tolerant attitude.
And ask her! Contact her to say, “I completely understand if your wedding plans have changed and your guest list has decreased, but I have a Save-the-Date and didn’t receive an invitation, so I’m still unsure of your final plans. Sorry to nudge you – I know things have been crazy – but please let me know if I’m still invited. If not, no worries, and I’ll send love and good vibes to you on the day.”
Dear Amy: I have an acquaintance, who every time I see her wants to hug me.
I don’t mind an occasional hug with someone, but this is almost like a demand.
This person is a neighbor. We are friendly with one another, but I wouldn’t characterize our relationship as a close friendship.
Since we have had our vaccinations, she uses it as an excuse: “Now we can hug!”
I do not want to be mean or alienate this person. I would like to stay on good neighborly terms.
Do you have any suggestions of how to curtail all the hugs?
– Need Some Space
Dear Need Some Space: I believe the pandemic has had at least one small silver-ish lining for a lot of people: Liberation from unwanted hugs.
Please, take advantage of this temporary break and assert your preference – and right – not to be hugged. Do it honestly, nicely, and quickly.
It is not “mean” to state your own preferences regarding being physically touched by another person. Try saying, “Honestly, experiencing the pandemic has made me realize that I don’t really like to be hugged. So, I hope a hearty ‘hello’ and air-hug will be enough.”
Dear Amy: Recently, I have had several friends ask me if I intend to get vaccinated against Covid-19.
I have already been vaccinated, but I am starting to think that my friends don’t know me. I’m worried that they think that I am an anti-vaxxer!
How do I deal with this frustration?
Dear Worried: I’ll suggest an alternative narrative.
Your friends are trying to politely inquire whether you have received your vaccination yet, in order to gauge whether they – and you — would feel comfortable spending time in-person with one another.
“Do you plan to get vaccinated?” does not make any particular assumption about you, which I believe is an appropriate way to frame the question.
As we (hopefully) emerge from the pandemic, I think it’s vital not to look for things to be upset about.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at [email protected] or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
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