{"id":26184,"date":"2023-08-28T11:34:36","date_gmt":"2023-08-28T11:34:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/belalcazar.org\/?p=26184"},"modified":"2023-08-28T11:34:36","modified_gmt":"2023-08-28T11:34:36","slug":"ask-amy-betrayal-is-bigger-than-girl-code","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/belalcazar.org\/world-news\/ask-amy-betrayal-is-bigger-than-girl-code\/","title":{"rendered":"Ask Amy: Betrayal is bigger than “girl code”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dear Amy:<\/strong> Last year, my husband and my best friend \u201cDerry\u201d were caught having a very intense emotional affair.<\/p>\n

When it all came out, Derry was overheard saying that she didn\u2019t care about breaking \u201cgirl code\u201d and didn\u2019t feel guilty about hurting anyone.<\/p>\n

Her own marriage was in the toilet at the time, so she jeopardized mine.<\/p>\n

I was obviously devastated and extremely angry.<\/p>\n

Of course, the affair exposed fissures in my own marriage, and my husband and I had a year of intense marriage counseling and worked through it. We\u2019re doing great now.<\/p>\n

Derry never apologized in any meaningful way until last week, via email.<\/p>\n

A mutual friend also saw her last week and talked to her about it, so I was privy to some of her feelings for the first time.<\/p>\n

I learned that, like us, she and her husband did a lot of therapy and have patched things up.<\/p>\n

Our mutual friend told me that Derry is in an enormous amount of pain over hurting me and cried through their whole conversation.<\/p>\n

In her email, Derry said it took her a year and a half to reach out to me because she wanted to have enough perspective to make a genuine apology.<\/p>\n

I believe this is true and I know she deeply regrets the pain she caused.<\/p>\n

My question is: Should I respond and have some closure, or maybe even give her absolution?<\/p>\n

I have mostly healed, and I worry this will reopen the wound.<\/p>\n

— Betrayed in CO<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Betrayed:<\/strong> Call it what you will, but in my view, \u201cbreaking girl code\u201d trivializes this person\u2019s behavior.<\/p>\n

People often ask if couples can heal from betrayal and emotional or physical adultery, and I\u2019m happy you\u2019ve provided a positive example showing that sometimes — it is possible to come back from the brink.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not sure it is within your power to grant absolution to this friend who betrayed you so completely (that job might best be left to clergy), but you can certainly forgive her — and it sounds as if you have.<\/p>\n

You can close the loop by replying to her email, acknowledging her apology, and stating that you forgive her. (If you haven\u2019t forgiven her, you can say you\u2019re working on it.)<\/p>\n

I suggest that you keep it short: \u201cI want you to know that I believe your apology is genuine, and that I\u2019ve forgiven you. I hope that we can now all close this very challenging chapter of our lives.\u201d<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t say whether you want to engage in a dialogue and perhaps attempt to revive your friendship, but this is a decision you can make later.<\/p>\n

No matter what, you should always protect your own feelings and interests by being completely honest and speaking your truth.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> My older sister \u201cBarb\u201d lost her husband two years ago.<\/p>\n

My husband and I live five minutes away from her.<\/p>\n

Being an introvert, I enjoy my solitude.<\/p>\n

I walk every morning at sunrise for 90 minutes and love being alone with my thoughts and with nature.<\/p>\n

Barb began walking with me immediately following her husband’s death, which was OK because I knew she was lonely.<\/p>\n

For the last six to nine months though I\u2019ve been dreading her coming with me.<\/p>\n

She talks constantly from the time we meet up until the time we part.<\/p>\n

We don’t have conversations, as I don’t have an opportunity to say much.<\/p>\n

She’s very judgmental and nosy.<\/p>\n

What can I do or say, short of telling her I want silence from her if she goes with me?<\/p>\n

— My Ears Hurt<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Ears Hurting:<\/strong> Why can\u2019t you tell your sister that you want silence on your walks?<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve provided needed company and no-doubt an important lifeline to her over the past two years since her husband\u2019s death. And now it\u2019s time for you to revert to meeting your own needs during your morning constitutional.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s your sister! Tell her, \u201cBarb, I need silence at sunrise. Let\u2019s catch up for the first couple of minutes of our walk and then — shut it down for some quiet time. We can visit at other times.\u201d<\/p>\n

Earbuds might be your best morning accessory.<\/p>\n

Dear Amy:<\/strong> \u201cDesperate Phone Hostage\u201d needed a way to get off the phone with overly talkative people.<\/p>\n

She should use the Wisconsin Goodbye. You just say, \u201cI should stop taking up so much of your time. I\u2019ll let you get going.\u201d<\/p>\n

Growing up in Wisconsin, everyone learns this.<\/p>\n

— Hello and Goodbye from WI<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Hello:<\/strong> This is delightfully \u201cWisconsin.\u201d Thank you.<\/p>\n

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter, In The Know, to get entertainment news sent straight to your inbox.<\/em><\/p>\n

Source: Read Full Article<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Amy: Last year, my husband and my best friend \u201cDerry\u201d were caught having a very intense emotional affair. When it all came out, Derry was overheard saying that she didn\u2019t care about breaking \u201cgirl code\u201d and didn\u2019t feel guilty about hurting anyone. Her own marriage was in the toilet at the time, so she […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nAsk Amy: Betrayal is bigger than "girl code" - belalcazar.org<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/belalcazar.org\/world-news\/ask-amy-betrayal-is-bigger-than-girl-code\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ask Amy: Betrayal is bigger than "girl code" - belalcazar.org\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Amy: Last year, my husband and my best friend \u201cDerry\u201d were caught having a very intense emotional affair. 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